just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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