im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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