remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
