I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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