one two three fourrrrnication!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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