I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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