i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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