Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So apparently I’m into choking now
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