Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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