Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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