butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
