i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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