she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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