I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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