K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
