Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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