Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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