It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
where are my eyebrows?
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