eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
