no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just pee around me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
