He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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