The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
