once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
