alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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