id be glad to
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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