i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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