There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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