K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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