My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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