Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
