How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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