So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
