I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
