is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
should my penis look like a turkey
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
