Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
