oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm just crazy horny about you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
