Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
