my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
