Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
