My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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