Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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