how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
