I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
