Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
