He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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