Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
