I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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