your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
