dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
