Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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