I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
