I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
As shirtless as possible
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
