Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
