If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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