I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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