You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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