what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Your cock deserves a montage
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
