i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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