WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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