I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
