He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
