I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
