There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
