Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize