she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
