There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Pants are for mortals
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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