I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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