Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
