Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
