We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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